I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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