everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
