This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
