my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
