And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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