Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
