Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
