Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
