Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
