new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
