i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
