Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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