Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
