we're blogging at a bar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
