I will die if light touches me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
