i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
