Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy