We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I sprained my soul last night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.