i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...