Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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  (913): Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill http://tfl.nu/swr0
  Replies (22) Good night (591) Bad night (5782)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

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  (860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9
  Replies (9) Good night (1032) Bad night (3077)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7749) Bad night (825)
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  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (20545) Bad night (1846)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?

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  (303): At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea? http://tfl.nu/yszl
  Replies (6) Good night (3210) Bad night (875)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.

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  (703): does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/2knl
  Replies (11) Good night (3613) Bad night (934)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.

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  (609): He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on. http://tfl.nu/bqu1
  Replies (15) Good night (4353) Bad night (1195)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.

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  (941): I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it. http://tfl.nu/6v2i
  Replies (13) Good night (1416) Bad night (2288)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller

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  (907): We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller http://tfl.nu/mw3b
  Replies (6) Good night (1200) Bad night (2110)
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  (310): View more from California

  The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?

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  (310): The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME? http://tfl.nu/y4zz
  Replies (7) Good night (2718) Bad night (671)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

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  (210): Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors. http://tfl.nu/4w9v
  Replies (20) Good night (3596) Bad night (1886)
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  (760): View more from California

  I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?

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  (760): I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that? http://tfl.nu/6xle
  Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (1984)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.

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  (770): Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/1wjc
  Replies (6) Good night (1795) Bad night (477)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.

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  (904): In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name. http://tfl.nu/nb8i
  Replies (2) Good night (985) Bad night (448)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.

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  (937): I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart. http://tfl.nu/okmj
  Replies (15) Good night (2064) Bad night (669)

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