I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention