the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
