textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
