He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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