Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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