I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
