She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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