fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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