I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
