no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
