Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
