32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
