I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
