Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
