I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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