In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
