Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
