Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
