just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
