Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
