Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
