I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
