What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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