if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
