It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So apparently I’m into choking now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
