Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
