Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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