I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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