I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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