He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
