The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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