All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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