His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
