You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
