New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
