i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.