just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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