dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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