I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
