Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
