She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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