A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
