Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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