i already hear my dad disowning me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
