I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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