dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
