Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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