I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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