Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
