Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
