I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
