she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
