I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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