You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
