Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
