Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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