Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
